Stop Relying on Others for Recognition — Celebrate Yourself Instead

From the moment we enter this world, we’re showered with words of praise — starting with our parents. Our first steps, first smiles, first words are all reasons for celebration and appreciation. The first 5–6 years of life are filled with encouragement and compliments (at least if you’ve been fortunate enough to have supportive parents).

As we transition into school years, the appreciation doesn’t stop — especially if we’re successful students. Alongside our parents, we begin to hear words of praise from our teachers. While these moments of celebration gradually become less frequent, they still continue throughout our academic lives.

But when we step into adulthood and start our professional journeys, hearing even the occasional word of appreciation becomes a rarity. If you do, consider yourself lucky. While we slowly grow accustomed to this reality, the compliments we grew up hearing still linger in our minds, making us long for recognition in the workplace. Unfortunately, many managers are quite stingy with praise. They fail to recognise the powerful motivational impact of a few positive words, something I believe is deeply tied to cultural factors.

I’ve observed that some managers think there’s no need to praise someone simply for doing their job. Others intentionally withhold compliments, fearing it might spoil their employees or raise their expectations. Regardless of the reason, it’s clear that many managers overlook this small yet impactful source of motivation.

Years ago, when I first started working, I too hoped my efforts would be acknowledged. It wasn’t until much later that I realised this desire for recognition stems from a deeply rooted need to feel seen — a need we carry with us from infancy. It’s nothing more than saying, “Look at me, I’m here, and I’m doing something worthwhile.”

Unfortunately, many of us struggle with self-confidence when we first enter the workforce. We battle feelings of inadequacy and question whether we’re good enough at what we do. At the core of these struggles lies a lack of acknowledgment, validation, and visibility. While the attitude of your manager plays a significant role, the behaviour of your colleagues is equally important. I can confidently say that workplaces where success isn’t acknowledged are far from healthy.

But at some point, we have to overcome this, don’t we? I mentioned earlier that I had certain expectations early in my career. These expectations often led to disappointment. In one particular job, this disappointment became so overwhelming that I considered leaving. The primary reason was my manager’s negative attitude. While discussing this with a friend, I shared how I’d never received a single word of appreciation from my manager. My friend’s response was a game-changer: “You’re so critical of your manager — why are you expecting praise from someone you don’t even respect?”

That one sentence made me completely rethink my perspective. Why was I so desperate for validation? Especially from someone I didn’t value? As I mentioned, this need originates in childhood. But I wasn’t a child anymore. The truth was, I already knew I was doing something praiseworthy. The issue wasn’t whether my achievements were valid — it was that I had tied the acknowledgment of my success to other people.

So, what did I do? I started recognising and celebrating myself. I celebrated every accomplishment, big or small, and I didn’t hold back. I told myself all the words of praise I’d been longing to hear.

Don’t laugh, but there are moments when I literally pat myself on the back and say, “Go, girl!” Over time, I stopped expecting validation from others entirely. My internal celebrations became a source of greater happiness. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate compliments from others — they still make me happy — but I’ve learned not to rely on them. I’ve become generous with my own praise and found ways to celebrate even the smallest wins.

And no, this isn’t about fake self-appreciation. It’s about recognising and valuing achievements that others might overlook. This shift has deepened my relationship with myself. Most importantly, it’s taught me to find joy in the little things. After all, there’s no harm in making yourself happy and boosting your motivation! 😊

As a manager, I’ve carried this philosophy into my leadership style. I make an effort to notice and highlight the strengths of my team members, and I’ve seen how it instantly creates a positive atmosphere. Of course, it doesn’t always work. I once had a team member who seemed sceptical every time I offered praise. After observing this behaviour for a while, I realised the problem: they weren’t used to hearing compliments and didn’t know how to accept them. One day, I addressed it directly. At first, they were surprised and didn’t say much, but later they admitted they’d never received such feedback from any manager before. Over time, they grew more comfortable with receiving compliments and even started recognising their own achievements.

No one knows you better than yourself. Be objective about your accomplishments and remember that even small successes deserve recognition. Don’t leave your motivation in someone else’s hands — take charge and celebrate yourself!

Until next time, take care! 😊