Stop Hinting -The Power of Clear Communication and Expressing Yourself Accurately

I work on communication skills with almost all of my clients. We constantly strive to express ourselves and understand others in every aspect of life. That’s why, in nearly every coaching session, the topic inevitably circles back to communication. And here’s the key takeaway: The majority of problems people face stem from communication issues.

Sometimes, this problem arises from not expressing ourselves clearly; other times, it’s from not expressing ourselves at all. It may sound strange, but many people try to communicate through hints and indirect messages. Hinting? I can hear your surprise. I’m sure most of you reading this have either used it or been on the receiving end of it at some point.

Let’s Look at Some Examples

📌 Scenario 1:

Imagine you feel unsupported by your manager. Not only do they show little interest in your professional growth, but they also leave you feeling alone in meetings. However, instead of addressing this directly, you resort to subtle hints—small complaints, indirect remarks, perhaps a bit of distancing. Yet, your manager remains oblivious to the issue.

Over time, you internalise this situation, believing they are deliberately neglecting you. Before long, resentment builds, and if your manager also avoids open discussions, one of you is bound to reach breaking point.

This doesn’t just happen in the workplace; the same scenario unfolds in friendships and relationships too.

📌 Scenario 2:

Your partner or friend does something that bothers you. Instead of openly discussing it, you become distant, acting cold towards them. Since they have no idea what’s wrong, they assume you are losing interest and start mirroring your behaviour. Suddenly, an unnecessary emotional gap appears, without either of you fully understanding why.

Sometimes, we rely on our eyes to do the talking, expecting our subtle expressions to convey our feelings. But if the other person isn’t fluent in ‘hint language’, no amount of meaningful glances will resolve the issue! Let’s set romance aside for a moment and talk about the power of clear communication.

What is Clear Communication?

Clear communication is about expressing our thoughts, expectations, and emotions in a direct and transparent way.

❌ It’s not about hinting, speaking in riddles, or expecting the other person to read our minds.

✅ It is about stating what we think and feel openly.

📌 Clear Communication = Clarity + Honesty + Empathy

Why Do People Struggle with Clear Communication?

1️⃣ Expecting the Other Person to Be a Mind Reader

“I shouldn’t have to say it; they should just know.”

No, people cannot read your mind. If you don’t voice something, you can’t hold anyone accountable for not understanding it.

Just because someone guessed how you felt once doesn’t mean they will always do so. Everyone has their own inner world, full of distractions and emotions. Perhaps they didn’t intentionally upset you, but by choosing to withdraw instead of talking, you make it impossible for them to understand. The result? You feel hurt for no reason, and your relationship suffers unnecessarily.

2️⃣ Making Assumptions for Them

“What if they misunderstand me or judge me?”

If you withdraw before even giving them a chance to respond, aren’t you being unfair? More importantly, if someone came to you with an issue, would you respond the way you assume they will?

Often, we project our fears onto others, assuming they will react negatively. But in doing so, we shut down communication before it even begins. In reality, we don’t know how they’ll react. And perhaps the outcome will be much better than we expect. But unless we communicate, we will never find out. The more we avoid clear communication, the more complex and frustrating our problems become.

3️⃣ The “Overly Considerate” Syndrome

“I don’t want to upset them.”

The other person may have unknowingly hurt you, yet you suppress your feelings to avoid making them uncomfortable. But what about you?

Yes, the world can be a tough place for sensitive hearts. But constantly suppressing your emotions to protect others will only exhaust you and create unresolved tension in the relationship. Silence doesn’t solve anything. If the other person doesn’t know how you feel, they will likely continue their behaviour without realising its impact.

As time passes, this built-up frustration can lead to an explosive ending—one that may not have been necessary. Had you expressed your feelings earlier, they may have been willing to change without much effort.

Instead of assuming how they might feel, speak up. Open communication can transform both your relationships and your peace of mind.

4️⃣ Learned Helplessness

“Nothing will change anyway.”

This is one of the most common excuses I hear:

“You don’t know my mum—she will never change.” “My boss doesn’t take feedback well; no point in saying anything.”“My partner has always been like this, there’s no use trying.”

Over time, many people lose faith in change, feeling trapped by patterns they believe are unbreakable.

But here’s a crucial question: Has nothing changed, or have you simply given up trying?

Your previous approach to communication may not have been effective, but that doesn’t mean you can’t improve. And let’s be honest, cutting off communication isn’t always an option—especially with family, colleagues, or partners who are a consistent part of your life.

📌 Your father may have been strict before, but neither of you are the same people you were years ago.

📌 Your manager may not be open to feedback—but have you ever given feedback in the right way?

📌 Your partner may not change completely, but by setting boundaries, you can create a healthier balance in your relationship

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Every relationship deserves a fresh approach. And the only way to redefine them is through clear and open communication.

But What If Even Clear Communication Doesn’t Work?

Yes, some people are resistant to change. Even when you communicate openly, their responses might not shift. But even in these cases, the key is to set clear boundaries.

A person with firm, well-defined boundaries is much harder to take advantage of. If you clearly state your limits, others will eventually have to respect them.

Clear communication strengthens every aspect of our lives. Instead of hinting, we should speak directly. Instead of assuming, we should ask and listen. And instead of predicting how others will react, we should give them the chance to respond.

Take a moment to reflect on your own communication style: Are you truly open and direct, or are you expecting others to pick up on subtle hints? If misunderstandings, unnecessary arguments, or unresolved conflicts are common in your life, try making a small change today. Express yourself clearly—without fear, without assumptions, and without hesitation.